Vederkracht blogt

Al een hele tijd twijfel ik. Ga ik wel bloggen, ga ik niet bloggen…
En ik weet waar mijn twijfel vandaan komt.

Want als ik blog  laat ik mijzelf zien aan de buitenwereld en ben ik ook kwetsbaar. Dan roept het kleine kind in mij ‘ben ik wel ok in jouw ogen?’ Mag ik mijzelf laten zien precies zoals ik ben?

Toen ik kanker kreeg  in 2010 werd ik geconfronteerd met mijzelf. En in deze tocht leerde ik over eenzaamheid, angst,  over leven en dood.  Het woord eenzaam is eigenlijk heel mooi. In het een ben ik samen.  Ik wil graag dat de ander mij ziet. En ik zelf dan? Hoe zit het met mij?

In deze periode stelde ik mijzelf veel vragen. Durf ik mij eigenlijk zelf wel te zien precies zoals ik ben, luister ik wel naar mijn eigen stem, naar mijn hart? Durf ik contact te maken met  mijn angsten en pijn? Of ga ik liever een blokje om?

En hoe doe ik dat dan in contact met een ander?’ Wat laat ik echt van mijzelf zien aan de ander? Wie ben ik eigenlijk in contact met de ander? Wie ben ik nog meer?  Vragen die mij bezighielden. De periode na de behandeling viel ik in een diep zwart gat.

Op deze tocht waren er toehoorders. Mensen die nabij waren. Die zonder oordeel  luisterden toen ik vragen had over leven en dood.  Ze bleven als ik mijn kwetsbaarheid liet zien. En ook mijn schaduwkant met boosheid en wantrouwen.

Ik geloof dat ik geen mooier geschenk kan ontvangen dan door de ander te worden gezien, te worden gehoord, te worden begrepen en aangeraakt.

Vanuit het donker klom ik langzaam de treden weer op naar het licht. Ik maakte plannen. En zo ontstond Vederkracht.

Hier bied ik je graag een plek waar je mag zijn en waar je welkom bent. Waar ruimte is voor dat wat verborgen ligt en graag gezien wil worden. Waar je mag zijn met alles wat jou bezighoudt.

Het grootste geschenk dat ik kan geven is de ander te zien te horen, te begrijpen, aan te raken. Wanneer dat gebeurt voel ik dat er contact is gelegd. Uit: Menselijke contacten – Virginia Satir

Het is gelukt, de kop is eraf.

Vederkracht blogt.

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